Ahhh...I have both of the girls down for naps and a little "me" time and feel like writing today's blog about me. (aka boring, no pictures today!) I started a bible study last week - "Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed" and I am already feeling moved by it. I had been praying for awhile and quite honestly getting impatient with God for a good bible study and was so excited when this opportunity came along. I have always been a christian - born and raised in my current church and I knew every Sunday meant going to church. Although there were plenty of Sundays where I pretended to sleep in, hide, etc so I could skip when I was growing up, I am loving now taking my girls to the church every week and watching them (well, just Ali now) pray, know all of the nursery workers, make lifetime church friends, learn church songs, and just learn about Jesus. It is such an exciting feeling for me to know they will grow up with these values, beliefs, love, etc. Ever since being a mom though, I wanted to have a deeper connection, etc and have just been looking to learn more, etc so that my girls can learn through me as well and want to be stronger Christians by watching me. That is my prayer. Anyway, this past week this bible study was all about worry, anxiety, control and giving it all over to the Lord - this is huge for me. Anyone who knows me, probably knows that I am what some may call a "spazz" :) and have turned completely OCD in the past few years. I am already seeing the lessons of the past week work in my life and what a relief and joy it is. :) I have moments where I feel I am about to lose it and I just have started saying a prayer for patience and I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. My biggest worry/anxiety/control issue is to be the best mom I can possibly be - one that I fail at plenty of days and wish I could do more. I find myself looking at ideas online of things to do, other peoples blogs, hearing stories, etc and wanting to do more so that my girls do not miss a thing and have everything they could possibly want (although there is a fine line there between that and spoiling them which I also don't want to do!) and, when I try to do it all, sometimes I push too much or just realize that when reality sets in, it's not all that perfect. As much as I try to believe in my head that things are like the movies/tv shows and what moms/families should be like - it is not a fairy tale and I need to just enjoy every minute of it instead of trying to make everything "perfect"(and don't get me wrong, I am!) I end up overextending all of us if I push for this perfectness all the time!
Lately, we have been feeling the "terrible" twos. Ali is into the word "no" - although has not been listening when the word is used on her. We will tell her no or to stop doing something or to pick something up (when she throws EVERYTHING on the ground) and she will look at us, smile and do it again! Talk about losing control! I'm learning discipline and I feel like she knows to act up the most when I'm holding Rhodes (and can't really do anything about it) or out in public (and am not as good at disciplining - goal I need to work on) and these are the times she pushes it the most. I feel guilty b/c when I sit back and think about it, I feel like it is her 2 year old way of trying to get attention. Yes, after having me all to herself for almost 2 years, we NEVER have time just the two of us anymore and a lot of the time she wants to do things, I am feeding Rhodes, holding Rhodes, etc. I feel very guilty about this b/c I feel like I have only been making it worse by spending my time correcting her and never having time to just enjoy eachother lately. A lot of this is due to work being busy (only a few more weeks!) and not being home, being overbooked with activities sometimes, and just the plain terrible twos. The last few days I have tried to make a point to sit down and play with her and enjoy her (which is so easy to do!) and I feel like things are already so much better. She is not having to throw tantrums to get attention and, yes, there are still plenty of tantrums but just relaxing and enjoying eachother and making time for eachother makes for a lot less of them!!
All in all, I am coming to realize that there is no need to sweat the small stuff. Trust the Lord and cast your burdens unto him. I may not always have time to make dinner, the house may not always be clean, we may have to miss a playdate or gymnastics class or music just to be together, but who cares? We have our own little version of perfect and I don't want to miss a minute of it! Sometimes the best moments are those when we are all just sitting here, rolling on the floor and laughing - boy, do we have it good!
No comments:
Post a Comment