Breaking point

I have a list a mile long in my head of "To dos" - including to get on here and blog about our fun Christmas and New Years holiday and our latest ultrasound for our sweet baby! Unfortunately, today will not be the day I check this off my list. Soon, I promise. Today, instead, I have other things on my mind that I have to get off! I have enjoyed having the girls home so much for the past two weeks and am so sad to see the holidays end. Well, sad and extremely happy/ready to get back to our routine, all in one. Monday was Ryan's last holiday day off and I loved updating our dry erase calendar with our January calendar and seeing such an empty calendar - breathing a sigh of relief! We have our architectural plans in for the house and had sub-contractors come by to price the house yesterday so hopefully sometime soon we will know for sure what we will be doing as far as moving/adding on/moving out for a little bit for renovations/etc. I have felt slightly overwhelmed at the thought of our newest addition being here before we know it, tax season being here and the possibility of an add-on - which comes with big decisions such as cabinets, flooring, what we can afford, who will sleep where, will we need to move out, what new furniture do we need to buy immediately so that everyone has a place to sleep/sit/etc. :) Top that with not knowing what this sweet baby is and what we may need if it is a boy or girl, etc - I am surprised that I have actually been more relaxed than I ever thought about all of this. Honestly, the only thing that overwhelms me is the possibility of truly being overwhelmed when everything really gets here (baby #3, tax season officially, renovations in full gear!) and knowing that I can only do so much now (when I have some time) to prepare for these big events! Phew! :) It is all overwhelming, but I think the excitement of it all outweighs the stress in the end - and I can not wait! :) I wouldn't be adding on to the house at this time if I thought it was something we couldn't handle or if it wasn't something I was completely ready and soo excited to do!! I will be sure to update soon once we know for sure what we are doing and a better idea of what the next few months may look like for us! :)

That all being said - I have had one major issue going on in our household that has to be taken care of immediately and that brought me to a full-on breakdown of tears this morning! My 3 1/4 year old and her papi. (pacifier) :) For something that makes life so much easier in the beginning - it has, over the years, become something I despise more than anything else in the world. I know she is too old for it - I know she HAS BEEN too old for it for awhile, but I have been too weak, too afraid of screaming nights (and a devastated little girl that I adore!), but I have finally reached my wit's end. Even though getting up during the night has been something I have been doing for awhile (thanks to pregnancy!) - this past week has been the pits. Every single night, I have had visitors (who always come to my side of the bed with their requests :) - they are Mama's girls...and I am so grateful for that - especially at 3:00 in the morning! :)) either due to nightmares, loss of papis, accidents or just because. Ugh! This is not what I need 6 weeks before I am meeting the newborn stage again! :) We have been talking about the papi fairy and giving the papi to the babies that need them for weeks - but, if anything, I think it has led our littlest princess to be more attached to the thing and has led to awful days filled with screaming, tantrums, and bawling - from the morning (until she gets sidetracked and forgets about it for a little bit) to the car rides and then from about 4-5:00 every afternoon (when she skips nap) - b/c I have tried to only let her have it at bedtime. (so then she wants to go to bed at 4...not happening). It has been all out hell. This morning, it started as soon as she woke up - and again when we got in the car and finally I just broke down and couldn't take it anymore. It is time for a visit from the papi fairy and to officially say goodbye! :) Now, I know this is so silly, but our child is addicted and we are dedicating our weekend to moving on to become an official big girl and I know this weekend going to be tough - but there is no turning back now. I know there are going to be tears - which are so hard for me to hear - and devastation and maybe some sleepless nights - but I am hoping that once we get through this, it will be smooth sailing until we are a family of 5! :) I can't imagine how ridiculous this may sound - but I also can't explain my child's addiction to this thing (it is bad!) and my worry about her feeling sad - so please pray that we make it through this weekend! :) After the week we have had, I am SOO excited for the light at the end of this tunnel and the happiness that lies ahead once this silly thing is gone! :)