Four years later....

I am sitting here feeling nostalgic....thinking about how tomorrow (well, actually in exactly 6 hours from now) - my little girl will be turning 4! It is such a cliche, but these four years have flown by. I told Ryan that it honestly does not seem possible that it was 4 years ago that I was sitting on our couch in this house, big as a house, waiting for this little girl to come into this world and change our lives forever! I still feel like I am the exact same age - although I know motherhood has changed me in so many ways and I am honestly still learning something every day! Today I helped throw a baby shower for Anna Margaret for her first baby boy coming in January (or maybe December!). I feel like a lot of my friends are just starting to have babies (or their oldest are Rhodesy's age) and I get excited about our babies growing up together - and then it hits me that they think of my kids as the "big" kids - which is so weird for me! My babies are still supposed to be the babies! :) Although, I am loving the stages they are in and the things they are teaching me....how to discipline (I am still learning this one and have a long way to go!), how to be organized, how to say no (to social events so I can be home with them more, to always volunteering, as well as when they ask for their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc piece of Halloween candy!), how to be crafty, how to be healthy/plan our meals out, how to clean up over and over again and still never have a perfectly clean house (or anywhere close to a perfectly clean house). Motherhood is the best gift anyone could have ever given me (thank you God!) and I am trying to devote myself every day to be the best mom I can possibly be to my kids and spend every minute I can with them - enjoying them, teaching them, and belly laughing with them. I think about all of my friends that are just now embarking on this journey or getting closer to it and I am so envious of them and what lies ahead of them! I get so turned off by people that are always telling you about their kids, exactly what to do when you have kids (know it alls :)), so I try not to offer too much advice to my friends when they are pregnant, have newborns, etc unless I am asked. We were asked at AM's shower today to write down a piece of advice for her as she gets ready for her baby boy and that was a tough one for me. I feel like I have so much I could say, but then again there are so many things that you just can only learn on your own. If I were starting this journey all over again, I would tell myself to, first, don't sweat the small stuff! I was the first of my friends to have a baby and clueless....constantly looking up online if I had done the wrong thing (always doubting myself)...wondering if I was somehow going to ruin my baby by letting her watch tv too early (or too much - oops!), having a glass or two of wine/caffeine while nursing, letting her fall off my bed after turning away for a second (sure she was going to have a concussion), letting her have "honey" wheat bread too early, checking on her in the middle of the night to make sure she was breathing, etc, etc, etc. Always worrying, only to realize that she would live....I was not perfect and no one is and there have been a lot more careless people that have raised babies and turned out fine! :) Also, I would say to soak it all up - cherish every minute. It is HARD becoming a mom - a complete change of your world - it is no longer about you and as hard as that may sound before you have a baby - it is completely worth it and you are okay with not putting yourself first anymore! :) One of my favorite things that someone (who had older kids) told me was if your baby is crying and you feel like you are going to lose your mind (it is bound to happen!), it is okay to just take the time to relax, sit on the kitchen floor, hold that crying baby and love on her and know that in a few short years you will miss those moments. Luckily, my 3 year old (going to call her that one last time! :)) still lets me hold her, comfort her, and sing with her - but I still can't believe that she is a big girl now, not that little tiny helpless baby anymore! :) Love her more every day and have loved every second of being her mom these past four years. Happy early birthday, Ali B - thank you for making me a mommy 4 years ago tonight! I love you!!